Please, let me fuck your mom
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
