I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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