All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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