It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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