i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
