If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
