When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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