You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
