I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
