Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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