I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
