she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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