I just saw a hot homeless man
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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