I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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