overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
