Duck Duck Cougar?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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