I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
