life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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