just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
