I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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