I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
