i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
