Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
