After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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