you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
