At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
nutella sex= disaster
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
