His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My dick has a subreddit
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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