it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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