she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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