Farmville is her only friend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
