I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
