My sheets look like a crime scene.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
