My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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