you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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