when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
