I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
