Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
