Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
