I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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