I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
