i'm signing you up for texting rehab
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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