My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
