So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Randomize
