I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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