I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
