At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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