dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
