In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
