Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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