just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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