Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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