I wish my penis had an off switch
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
