I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
