this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
