I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
