worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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