In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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