My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
