Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize