Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
