That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
