So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
