i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
