We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
