Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
