Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
