tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is my gift to your gina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
