u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize