Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
