Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
