and she was petting her beer can
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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