So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
