Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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