I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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