just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize